Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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