I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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