my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
