Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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