I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
