So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Randomize
