i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
