Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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