youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
