you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
