oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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