On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
