We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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