I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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