Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
