This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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