I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
