you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
