my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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