i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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