You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
