I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
