Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
