Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
