"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I lost the right to judge tonight
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
