I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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