He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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