Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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