he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
