Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
