Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
