watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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