wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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