thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
