My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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