Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Can Purell be used as lube?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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