We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Holy shit dude........stairs
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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