do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
