Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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