I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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