You're completely useless in the revolution.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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