i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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