I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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