Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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