I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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