respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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