Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
