I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
