if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
