I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
operation have a gay friend backfired
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
my poor anus
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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