All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
