five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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