my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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