Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My day in three words: secret purse cake
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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