im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Two words: nipple clamps
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