I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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