So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I think my vagina is haunted
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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