Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
