Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
