So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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