I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
