He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
