I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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