A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
