Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
