I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
