can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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