She announced her abortion via fbk
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
