I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
