no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Randomize
