Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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